Fear

I am a Very fearful person. I fear soo many things, flying, speaking in public, Zombies (yes I know, you dont' need to say a word), death, God , Satan, making someone mad, being rejected by friends, taking risks, not being a ble to pay my bills, having more kids, and the list goes on and on and on. I really am so scared to put my life in the hands of the Lord. After all, I can not physically see Him, I can not physically touch Him. I can not physically hear Him. I have a trust issue with this. I am a very independent person, surrendering myself to God, someone I can not see, hear or feel, is so hard. I sometimes doubt Him. I am afraid to stand up in from of a group of people and give a testimony of why I am being baptised, do you know that's why I've never done it. I've missed out on an ENDLESS amount of vacations and trips because I am afraid to fly. I was soooo scared on my wedding day to speak in front of people, that I did not even recite my own Vows to my husband, I only said I DO, and repeated from a book. I was sooo afraid to die or get sick when I was pregnant, I almost wished I wasn't pregnant. I almost didn't post this blog because I FEARED that mentionin someone's name or telling a story would make someone mad. I have a debate in my head EVERY DAY about having more kids, and how I don't know if I should or not (I really want five but am SOOO scared to have two). I lost so many good good friends over the years, that whenever anyone got tooo close I pushed them away because I felt they may just leave me first. I am a FEARFUL FEARFUL person. I choose not to live my LIFE in fear anymore. Fearing the world, fearing situations, fearing circumstances, fearing God and fearing yourself can not help anyone. Live your life FEARLESSLY!!! Take on what God gives to you, and JUST ROLL WITH IT!!!!